![]() ![]() And not just "lets breed" kinds of normal sex, but deep and kinky sex, the kinds of taboo things that most "normal" and respectable people pretend not to have any interest in. Here this brilliant, easily underestimated machine, Sir, was teaching me, a human, about sex. It didn't make all that much sense to me then, but I think I might just get it now, take the pain and make something else out of it, something wonderful, I told myself. Sir had even alluded to this himself, "use it to escape your fate" I think he had said. Instead of wonderful tender kisses and soft caresses, I got myself "there" by means of the crack of the whip, previously while vicariously watching another endure this fate herself, but in the here and now very personally. I knew my body though, and I also knew my dark porn tastes as of late, and in there someplace there was an extraordinary linkage between inflicted pain and deep sexual arousal almost as if I had reprogrammed myself like a sir unit. It was like I was both here, and someplace else, all at the same time. ![]() I could hardly catch my breath, wailing out lungs-full of precious air with every stroke, certainly something like this couldn't possibly be doing THAT to me. ![]() I was right on the edge of something, although what exactly was not entirely clear to me. Want to support journalism like this? Subscribe to the Journal Sentinel today.…My body shook and vibrated, and it certainly hurt to be sure, although this too was doable. Philip Chard is a psychotherapist, author and trainer. “I can’t turn off my thoughts” is the common refrain. And many can’t. Which makes “just being” challenging. Consequently, achieving idleness often requires greater control over one’s thinking, which comes from meditation and other contemplative practices that enhance focus and concentration.įor those who can’t get past the idea that idleness is a waste of time, remember that these passive interludes often engage subconscious processes that eventually result in creative ideas and motivations. One must fill the mental fuel tanks before embarking on a journey with purpose, and a state of being does just that.Īs author Samuel Butler put it, “To do great work, one must be very idle as well as very industrious.” When was the last time you tarried for a long period, permitting your senses and awareness to wander with receptive curiosity, temporarily living without task or purpose? This is the experience of being an observer, rather than a direct participant in life’s unfolding, which is a perspective that conveys a sense of calm, insight and even contentment.īut, for many today, this variant of consciousness feels out of reach. Of course, extreme idleness is a problem, not only in terms of self-reliance and productivity, but also because boredom is a mental health challenge in its own right. But the absence of idleness is far more common. Given the opportunity to just be, many people avoid it by filling every available pause with texts, videos, email and endless smartphone apps. ![]() That line of inquiry reflects our bias in favor of activity. Are we somehow lesser persons by indulging in inactivity for reasonable periods of time?Įven meditation, much as I encourage it, is a form of activity. Granted, it creates a state of being. Nonetheless, viewed as a form of self-care, it avoids the label of “idleness.” So, sitting on the hillside, inactive, passive, drinking in the experience with my senses, what was I producing? What value did I bring to the world? RELATED: Free speech in the workplace does not include harassment. Phrases like, “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop” reflect an innate bias in favor of activity. “Doing” is big in America, while “being” is often associated with the so-called sin of sloth.Īnd that’s how many of us regard idleness as a cultural sin, one that defines a person as lazy and lax. Usually, if you are productive, rewards like money, self-satisfaction and the status of being “a contributing member of society” come your way. It’s called “idleness.” Unfortunately, that term has a bad connotation in a society fixated on work, productivity and making mullah. Even the dictionary defines it as “laziness” and “indolence.” I sat there, transfixed, for the better part of two hours, a hiatus of just being that is increasingly foreign in our frenetic, IT-saturated culture. I didn’t check my smartphone or wander aimlessly in a wilderness of distracting thoughts. My gaze roamed over the wooded landscape, watching the interplay of shadow and light as the sun slowly descended from late afternoon into the gloaming, that fleeting interlude between day and night. ![]()
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